we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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