I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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