So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize