Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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