i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
