If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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