so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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