Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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