Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
