I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
