I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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