I CAN MOONWALK!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
