I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
