I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
