Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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