you guys were way drunker than both of me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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