I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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