So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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