i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
