This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your dad touched me again.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want her autograph on my taint
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
