She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
