whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
