I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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