dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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