i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
