so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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