??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
