The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
