Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
