So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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