please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
