another moral hangover. fuck.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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