Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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