Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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