I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
