I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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