The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's always time for handjobs
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
