Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
