I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
