bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
