Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
