"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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