By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You ruined the universe
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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