Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
