from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
