So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
