i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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