Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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