I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
