I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
