dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
