he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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