You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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