The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
