I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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