its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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