she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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