Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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