dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
