I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize