Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
