I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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