he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he's single and there are thong briefs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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