Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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