No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
