she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
