Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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