They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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